Just

Last night as I was stopped at a red light, I saw a young man on the side of the road holding a cardboard sign that read “Just Hungry.”  That stained camouflaged jacket hung off of him, and his blonde beard just brushed the top of his chest.  It wasn’t time that aged him but rather experience.  I realized after a few seconds that I had been staring at him, and when his blue eyes met mine, I looked away out of habit.  He was just one of the many homeless people that stood on this street corner begging for money.  He began walking down the road and toward my car, so I looked down at the radio and pretended to change the channel while “Homemade” by Jake Owen played, locking the door out of habit.  I felt his eyes on me and began praying for the light to change.  Please just turn green!, I thought.  It worked.

But as I drove away, I looked at the man one last time and our eyes met.  Beneath that dirty face and those long, dirty finger nails, I saw pain, fear, and hopelessness.  I saw a neglected, unloved man who was young and capable, but damaged and dirty.  It took me about three seconds to feel regret for paying less attention to him than I would a deer on the side of the road.  I knew I made a mistake, because sitting next to me on the passenger seat was a large bag of take-out food.  I heard that Cheesecake Factory had filed for bankruptcy, so I ordered take-out to use my gift card before I could no longer use it.  Even better, they were offering a free slice of cheesecake with any order over $30, so instead of just ordering a veggie burger, I also ordered a salad for lunch today so I would qualify for the free cheesecake.  Hey, a girl can’t turn down free cheesecake.

Just.

How many times in our lives have we said, “If I could just…” or “If only this just…”?  We all have moments of impact in our lives, moments that change us in one way or another.  Sometimes these moments are created by large impacts such as a divorce or the birth of a child, but there are also millions of smaller moments of impact as well.  This was a moment of impact for me.  How could I, someone who advocates for the poor and disadvantaged all the time, drive away so quickly when I did have just the thing he wanted in my car?  I didn’t need two meals, and I didn’t even want to order more than one meal, but I just wanted that cheesecake.  I will never forget the time that my family was driving to Olive Garden and my older brother rolled down his window and handed a homeless man an Olive Garden gift card that we had planned on using that night because the man carried a sign that read “Hungry and Homeless.”  My brother passed away fifteen years ago, but that moment of impact lives on in my memory.

Ms. Independent, what little moment would you do-over, if you just could?  There are so many moments in my life that I would do over if I could, and this was one of those moments.  I would have opened my window and given that man one of my meals, and maybe even that piece of cheesecake because I didn’t need it after celebrating a 25-pound weight loss earlier in the day.  I just didn’t have the courage to roll down my window like my brother had.  I just didn’t want to cause a scene on the road.  I just didn’t know if it was safe to open my window.  I just didn’t know how much time I had until the light turned green.  I just had too many excuses in my privileged life to care enough about the man who was “just hungry.”

I felt embarrassed as I drove away in my expensive SUV, sitting on those comfy leather seats with the sunroof open and vowing to just have courage the next time I encountered a moment like this.  I felt like I needed to make my own sign that read “Just Cowardly.”  Ms. Independent, what would be written on your roadside sign?  Are you just healing?  Or just scared?  Are you just tired, or just getting by for now?  Maybe you’re like me, and you’re just cowardly but vowing to be courageous?  We all have needs, but we rarely wear a sign that lets others know what our needs are.  In each little interaction though, big or small, we have an opportunity to help someone fulfill their un-broadcasted needs.  A few kind words or a small gesture could be enough to give someone hope. We never know when a small moment might have a large impact on someone else.  Hopefully the next SUV carrying a free slice of cheesecake stopped and gave it to the man who was just hungry.  That person’s sign would read “Just Kind.”

Life is a series of chain reactions, and if we adjust one of those reactions, we might just cause a whole new positive reaction.

Ms. Independent, just have the courage to be kind.

-C

Photo Source: U District