“Fat Girls Don’t Wear Skirts”

Ladies, how many of you have ever looked in the mirror and felt displeased at what you saw? Have you ever been truly happy with the reflection staring back at you? If you have been, then congratulations because you represent a very slim minority of the female population.

It’s not our fault for feeling displeased when we look in the mirror. From a young age, people use words like “pretty” and “cute” to describe us. Today’s young girls are even more doomed than I was as they are growing up in an era of filtered Instagram posts while I was looking at magazine models and TV stars. Their sense of beauty and normalcy is even more warped than ours since they see everyday women, even their friends, falsely slimmed down and filtered. While society has improved in terms of featuring “curvy” women in ads, we still have a huge problem in our society: self-image and self-esteem still suffers from unattainable beauty standards.

When I was in college, I wrote my Senior Honor Thesis on this very topic. I interviewed many different young girls ages 5-14, and what I noticed time after time in each interview is that no matter their background, physical attributes, or family dynamics, each girl was hesitant to say that she was beautiful and that she loved herself. I’m not sure where it started, but somehow we as women have learned from a young age that we should not admit that we are pretty, smart, or successful. We have learned that we should be modest in our opinions of ourselves. One 14-year old girl, in particular, shared a story with me about how she was once bullied by another girl in middle school on a day when she wore a skirt. The bully told her, “Fat girls don’t wear skirts.” For the past 14 years since my college graduation (geez, I am old!), these words have never left me. It was a poignant moment for me back then, and it continues to be a reminder to me that somehow, we have created beauty standards that suffocate our individuality and self-image.

I’ll be honest with you. I always thought I had a positive self-image, but I was never fully pleased when I looked in the mirror. Something always felt off. Some days, it was the growing cellulite on my legs, and on other days, my acne scars seemed more prominent. I have always been a fairly active and healthy woman, but I have been battling polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) since I was a teenager, and if you know anything about PCOS, you know that it leaves you with the worst acne of your life, a few extra pounds that are virtually impossible to lose, facial hair, and painful periods. I have been treating the symptoms for half of my life through various medications, diets, and exercise regimes. I grew resentful of the women who could begin a diet on a Monday and lose three pounds by Saturday. Due to the insulin resistance that comes with PCOS, my body has a difficult time processing carbs and sugar, causing weight plateauing shortly after beginning any new diet.

Every one of us is battling something, whether it’s a physical or emotional battle. Yes, overall health is important and I do watch what I eat and work out regularly, so I will never tell you not to do these things because our physical health is very important. I will, however, tell you that we need to stop criticizing ourselves when we look in the mirror. Instead, we need to look at our reflection and say out loud, “You are beautiful! You are strong!” We need to stop looking at our thinning hairlines, emerging wrinkles, double chins, cellulite, sagging boobs. Instead, look at the strength of the woman behind that smile staring back at you, and celebrate her strength and perseverance. Don’t criticize her for her size XL yoga pants; celebrate her for going to the damn yoga class! Don’t be afraid to tell someone that you think you are smart or successful. A man easily boasts about how much he can lift at the gym, and we should be able to talk about how great our butt looks in a certain dress. Guess what? Your butt DOES look great in that dress!

Love that woman staring back at you in the mirror. Maybe that woman has had the courage to wake up every morning after losing a child, or maybe she has had the courage to approach her ex-husband with civility in front of their children after she found him cheating on her. That woman might have courageously battled breast cancer and lost her womanly identity when she lost her breasts, or maybe she prays every morning for the strength to get through the workday and keep her anxiety at bay. That woman staring back at me is certainly courageous, and I am going to continue to celebrate her courage. She has curled in bed with her mother at night when her mother couldn’t stop sobbing over the loss of her son. She has picked up her annihilated heart after her cheating boyfriend tried to hide his dirty secret and made her feel like the break up was her fault. I am so proud of that woman staring back at me because even when she thought she could not get through another day of heartbreak, she somehow found a way to mend her heart it into a stronger, more whole heart than it ever was before the break. That woman is strong, beautiful, and tremendously courageous.

Miss Independent, I am smart, beautiful, AND successful. And you shouldn’t be afraid to admit that, too. Because you are! So today, take some time to look at yourself in a mirror and tell yourself out loud the things you love about yourself. Celebrate your strength and success. Love yourself fiercely, and even when all hope is lost, never EVER lose your courage. You have to promise me that, ok?

Chin up, Ms. Independent. And by the way, there is only one chin there, not two.

-C