To My Ex,
When we face adversity, we really only have two choices: Are we going to give up, or are we going to thrive? Giving up is certainly the easier choice, but Taylor Swift and Adele didn’t make platinum records by giving up after heartbreak; they chose to thrive. They let their heartbreak fuel their drive to succeed, crushing every ounce of pain they felt along with all of the goals they set for themselves. And while simply overcoming the adversity seems like an honorable plan, it wasn’t enough for them, and it’s not enough for me. I too, choose to thrive.
When you broke my heart, I had to dig deep into my core and muster up just enough strength to make it through a single day, hoping the leaking reserve would replenish itself before the next day. I dug day after day, and sometimes, minute after minute, and at that time, I didn’t know how I would ever fill that bottomless pit with anything but pain, but I knew I would fill it with hope and success. As I dug around in my soul searching for strength, I found things I wasn’t looking for, like my courage, my passion, and my faith. I started pulling out these pieces of me that had gone dormant, beautiful pieces of my soul that I forgot I possessed. I found that little girl with big dreams who had been buried for quite some time, so I dug and dug, and the more I dug, the more I pulled out. I dug until I felt the scorching heat of a fire ignited by rage, but sustained by conviction. The hole grew shallow and the strength reserve overflowed until eventually, strength began pouring out of me, along with my dignity, self-respect, and courage. I knew that every molecule in my body was not only strong enough to survive, but propelled to thrive.
And thrive I have.
Since you broke my heart, my life has drastically changed in the most amazing and truly unbelievable ways. Physically, you would hardly recognize me because I’ve lost almost 35 pounds (and counting) since you last saw me. I felt so angry with you that I needed to burn the stress somehow, so I started running every day before work, and some days after work. I ran until my legs gave out and my lungs gasped for air, and I wouldn’t stop until I beat my previous distance or time. I ran up and down steep hills, building both my physical and mental endurance, and leaving the memory of you in the dust every time. With every step, my muscles strengthened, and so did my will and stamina. I trained for a 5K, thinking I would stop there, but now that’s not even enough for me; I’m now running 3 miles a day with the goal to run 350 miles by August. I am now, somewhat unbelievably, a runner.
Do you remember when you said I wasn’t as independent as you thought I was? I’m still not sure what you meant by that, and I’m sure you have no idea what you meant either, and that you said it just because it seemed like an easy way to push me down and make me believe that despite owning my own home and achieving a significant amount of career success, I wasn’t good enough. But…I forgive you. Mostly, because I pity you, because after tacking up new shiplap on my dining room wall entirely on my own, and after installing a new chandelier, I know that you are grossly uninformed on the definition of the word “independent.” My house has never looked better, and I’ve done it all on my own.
Speaking of gross ignorance on word definitions, remember when you told me that you wanted to break up with me because I’m…unmotivated? Well, I don’t even know where to begin here because that’s just so completely inaccurate. In case you need further explanation, here are some examples of what motivation looks like:
- Running 350 miles.
- Owning a home.
- Starting a women’s empowerment blog and gaining over 300 followers in the first two months.
- Writing a novel.
- Losing 30+ pounds.
- Being asked to present at a large event with local business leaders.
- Serving as President of a local board, and a member of other boards.
- Not only keeping a job, but leading the industry.
I will let this one rest, since I think you’ve now had a visit from Madame Karma and she’s taught you a thing or two about unmotivated people.
You want to know the best thing that happened to me after you left my life? I fell in love with myself again. I began to feel beautiful, which I never felt with your insults and sarcastic jabs. I look at that woman in the mirror with pride and so much love in my heart for all that she has been through. You never told me I was beautiful until the night you broke up with me, which was strange timing, I must say. You always criticized me and made me feel like I wasn’t enough for you. But. I AM enough.
It didn’t happen overnight, but looking back now, I realize that I have been liberated. I am liberated of your deception, your unkind words, and the mediocre future that you offered me. I am meant for greater things than you could give me. Because of you, I have found happiness and I am, for the first time ever, truly living the life I dreamed of. And you know what? I didn’t need to find that happiness in the arms of someone new, like you did, even before we broke up. I found it within myself, and that feels damn good.
You see, while you were out there finding other women, I was out there finding my dreams. When you said goodbye, you lit a fire in me that will never be extinguished, a fire made of courage, drive, and resolution. A fire that you won’t ever be able to ignore because its blinding light of success will continue to shine under your eyelids even as you attempt to look away. You will try to ignore the fire, but it can’t be ignored, because you started that fire. The fire freed me, but it will burn inside of you forever.
Now please excuse me while I go live the life of my dreams. Because if there is one thing I am, it’s motivated.
With gratitude,
-C
The C-Word 